Practicing boundaries

Today is about your boundaries. If you haven’t thought about what they are before then the easiest way get into it is to think about any time you’ve ever been annoyed with someone. Chances are your annoyance is to do with a crossed boundary.

Unless you’re very lucky, most people aren’t raised to think much about their boundaries, and in some families crossing boundaries is practically a sport. So in my experience, this area can take a while to unpick and undo. I’m still working on enforcing my boundaries as life keeps throwing new situations at me.

One of the best tools I have to offer is ‘make a plan’. This involves thinking about the things you will say/would like to say if/when someone crosses your boundaries. So I had an issue where my daughter was calling me last minute to ask me to do things for her that day. I practiced what I wanted to say to her before I said it. “I don’t like it when things are sprung upon me last minute, especially if I’ve already planned my day. I’m happy to help you out but I need at least 24hours notice in future unless it’s an emergency.”

Having this chat with her ended the growing friction of me feeling like my boundaries were being crossed. The beauty of practicing beforehand is that you can refine what you want to say and it makes it so much easier to say it in real life when you’ve already said it out loud a few times. This works brilliantly in very delicate situations, or with parents, partners or bosses. It’s one of my greatest life hacks. I hope you find it as useful as I have.

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Taryn De Vere

Taryn De Vere

Joy bringer, writer, podcaster, mother of 5, colourful fashionista